mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
