they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
