I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize