You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
