Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
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