What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
