i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
