I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
