Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
