i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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