There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
