"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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