im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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