he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
