i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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