what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize