it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
