this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
