I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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