Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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