Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
