U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
