I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
