i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
