I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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