The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
