As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
