my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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