I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize