Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
