I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
