i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
