ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Randomize
