I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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