I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
