Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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