Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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