And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
People in love make me want to vomit
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
