I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
