if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
