And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize