I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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