Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
