It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
this boner is exhausting
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
