i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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