I just made out with a guy for $7.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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