just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
