I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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