Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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