I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
