He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
