Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
