Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
