I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize