The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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