im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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