i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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