So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
