she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
