My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize