yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
