I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
