And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
So squirting runs in the family.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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