I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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