Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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