My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
