found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
