just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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