could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize