I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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