It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I am mentally ready for anal.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
